


two couples meeting in the spiral six feet apart because they are gay

by niuniujiaojiao



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Bad Jokes, Drabble, Gen, Helen mention but no Helen on-screen :'(, Humor, I cannot emphasize how much this is literally one bad joke, I'm posting this before the hiatus ends so if this doesn't become canon you have NO excuse, Jonny take notes, Multi, Screenplay/Script Format, Swearing, The Magnus Archives Season 5, alternatively - Melanie and Martin: Chinese Solidarity, the plot of this is literally one bad joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:46:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26136736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niuniujiaojiao/pseuds/niuniujiaojiao
Summary: my take on when wtgfs and jonmartin meet back up again in s5. featuring: nothing of substance-GEORGIE: Melanie... it’s okay. Maybe. It’s... well, it’s Jon. And Martin. Or, at least, things that look like them.MELANIE: Are their fingers all long and pointy?GEORGIE: Not that I can tell.MELANIE: Works for me!
Relationships: Georgie Barker/Melanie King, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 2
Kudos: 61





	two couples meeting in the spiral six feet apart because they are gay

**Author's Note:**

> see endnotes for warnings!

[EXT.? INT.? SOMEWHERE.]

[TAPE CLICKS ON]

[FOOTSTEPS. SMALL THUDS AND SQUEAKS, RUSTLING: THE SOUND OF A WALKING CANE AND A WHITE CANE ON CARPET. ODD ECHOES.]

[THIS IS THE TERRITORY OF THE SPIRAL.]

**GEORGIE**

How much longer do you think we’ll need to walk before we find Helen?

**MELANIE**

Dunno, really. She was always unpredictable, but I think she’ll turn up eventually.

**GEORGIE**

What’s the probability that she still remembers being your friend? Were you two that close?

**MELANIE**

( _teasing_ ) What, jealous?

**GEORGIE**

Well… ( _audible smile_ ) Only a little.

**MELANIE**

She came to visit me a few times after I quit.

**GEORGIE**

Oh? You never said.

**MELANIE**

Not in your flat, though, I don’t think she liked the “vibes.” ( _heh_ ) You’re right that she might not be any help, but I think it’s pretty likely that she still has a soft spot for me.

[TWO MORE SETS OF FOOTSTEPS GROW AUDIBLE, AS WELL AS THE SOFT THUD/SQUEAKS INDICATING ANOTHER WALKING CANE. INDISTINCT VOICES.]

**GEORGIE**

Is that...?

**MELANIE**

No. ( _voice picking up speed, growing panicked_ ) No, Helen doesn’t sound like that. Shit, Georgie, get behind me, can you—

[FASTER FOOTSTEPS]

**ARCHIVIST**

( _from a distance, shouting_ ) Georgie! Melanie! It’s us!

**GEORGIE**

( _under her breath_ ) Holy shit.

[FOOTSTEPS GROWING LOUDER]

**ARCHIVIST (CONT’D)**

( _losing breath_ ) Georgie, Melanie! You’re safe; it’s Jon and Martin!

**MARTIN**

( _whispering_ ) I mean, ( _pant_ ) are we sure it’s them? The Spiral _does_ —

**ARCHIVIST**

( _quiet, growing closer_ ) Yes, I’m sure.

**GEORGIE**

( _warily_ ) Melanie... it’s okay. Maybe. It’s... well, it’s Jon. And Martin. Or, at least, things that look like them.

**MELANIE**

Are their fingers all long and pointy?

**GEORGIE**

Not that I can tell.

**MELANIE**

Works for me! ( _raising her voice_ ) Martin? Martin, my fellow Chinese-in-arms, are you there?

[POWER-WALKING SOUNDS STOP.]

**MARTIN**

( _normal volume_ ) Yeah! ( _pant_ ) Jon’s here too, we’re—hi, Georgie!

**GEORGIE**

( _somewhat stiff_ ) Hello.

**ARCHIVIST**

( _overlapping_ ) Georgie—

**MELANIE**

( _overlapping_ ) Oh, thank _god_.

**ARCHIVIST**

Melanie! I’m glad to see the both of you safe, too; I couldn’t quite see—

**MELANIE**

No, not _that_ —well, yes that, but also! ( _clap-clap_ ) Martin!

**MARTIN**

( _confused_ ) What?

**MELANIE**

Martin, I’ve been waiting _months_ to say this to someone who’ll appreciate it properly—

**MARTIN**

Say…?

**MELANIE (CONT'D)**

—and don’t you _dare_ spoil this for me, Eye Boy.

**ARCHIVIST**

Well, I can’t actually read your—

**MELANIE**

We’ll talk about that later! That, and also why the fuck you’re here and what the fuck’s going on—but later! Just give me this first!

**GEORGIE**

Oh, wait, I remember her mentioning this a few times, but she was _really_ vague about it—

**MELANIE**

Georgie, I love you, but shush! ( _exhale_ ) Okay. ( _serious voice_ ) Martin. This is for you. Are you looking at me? I’m pointing at my face. Look at me pointing at my face.

**MARTIN**

( _confused_ ) Alright...

**MELANIE**

Are you ready?

**MARTIN**

I-I dunno, I guess?

**MELANIE**

Okay. ( _inhale, exhale_ ) ( _in an almost painfully put-on corny voice_ ) Dang, look at those empty sockets! I guess they were right about us Asians having no eyes!

**MARTIN and GEORGIE**

( _simultaneously_ ) ... Oh my _god_.

**MARTIN**

( _beginning to giggle_ ) Christ, that’s—

**GEORGIE**

( _overlapping_ ) _This_ is what you’ve been sitting on for _six months_?

**MELANIE**

You wouldn’t have appreciated it! Martin’s the only one of our friends who’s allowed to laugh at it! Well, I guess Jon too...?

**ARCHIVIST**

( _laughing too_ ) Technically, though I suppose the stereotype doesn’t quite apply…

**GEORGIE**

( _undeterred_ ) _Six months_ , Melanie!

**MELANIE**

Exactly! Six months! Imagine what that felt like! Having to keep my genius hemmed up and silent, never to hear the glory of applause, of unrepressed laughter, of _recognition_ —

**GEORGIE**

( _starting to giggle_ ) Melanie, that’s not—

**MELANIE**

Don’t care what the end of that sentence is!

**ARCHIVIST**

I’m- ( _laughing_ ) I’m with Melanie on this one.

**GEORGIE**

Oh, don’t get me wrong, we’re _all_ with Melanie on this one, but that doesn’t mean she’s not a _dreadful_ person—

**MELANIE**

Excuse me! I am a _delight_ , a _visionary_ , a _prophet_ —

**MARTIN**

( _still wheezing, almost crying_ ) I can’t ( _gasp_ ) _believe_ ( _gasp_ ) you—

[A LOUD THUD]

**MARTIN**

What was—

**ARCHIVIST**

... Good lord.

[TAPE CLICKS OFF]

-

[INT.? EXT.? EITHER WAY, SPIRAL.]

[TAPE CLICKS ON]

[SHOUTING IN THE BACKGROUND, A SKIRMISH? RUNNING FOOTSTEPS]

**MELANIE**

( _whispering_ ) Fucking worth it.

[TAPE CLICKS OFF]

**Author's Note:**

> warnings: race-based humor by someone of that race, said humor is also about the character's eyes being enucleated, brief mentions of not trusting one's senses
> 
> I wrote this in like an hour and most of that was formatting and/or falling asleep
> 
> Have a good good day <3


End file.
